Monthly Archives: January 2012


“Crossing the Rubicon” – a phrase used to describe a moment in a persons life where the decisions made will impact greatly on their following years and possibly those of there family, friends or even countrymen. It was coined by an act of Julius Ceaser who broke roman law by taking his legions across the Rubicon river thus committing an act of war.

Decisions of importance happen often in our lives, whether we realise the connotations of our actions, as Julius Ceaser did in 49BC or we don’t, such as taking the left road home by chance, instead of the right. Ceaser knew before crossing that red river that what he was about to do would make huge waves over the roman empire which stretched further than any dominion had before it. He knew he was causing massive change, and not necessarily for the better of every citizen of Rome or its provinces, however he proceeded, he did what he believed to be the correct thing, and the earth smashed, recoiled and changed around him. Comparing this feat of one of arguably the greatest dictator of Rome with taking a different path home may seem odd, but think on Christopher Columbus. A great pioneer of his time, he embarked on voyages which created the first lasting European contact with america. This was by accident! He was lost and didn’t actually realise it! He did not know what would happen when he first stepped on to that island, he had no way of foreseeing what would follow in his wake, yet look, how different could things have been if he hadn’t wound up on the wrong island, if he had in fact made it to the East Indies, his actual destination. We don’t know how this would have changed things.

So, just like Columbus, but on a decidedly smaller scale I have been pondering what our small decisions may or may not lead to. Who I will meet, who I won’t and how it may or may not affect my life and theirs. For I will never know any thread of my life other than the one I follow, be it by my own design or not. I imagine over speculating on such things could possibly lead to problems. Is my life my own? Am I in control? Or does some higher being or entity or even will of the world make my decisions for me, big and small? Did I even choose to write this? It could go on forever and as such i’ll stop lest I enter a cycle I cannot escape.

Life continues, the world revolves regardless of my actions thoughts or hidden anxieties. Like one grain of sand trapped in the beach, it has wants of it’s own, plans, maybe even dreams, but it is pushed and pulled by the will of the many.

It can be hard but life goes on. So smile.

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I can assure the very few of you who cast your fleeting eyes on my handwritten drivel that it will not appear quite so often in future, i had just been thinking on memories, and how we see them.
I imagine you have heard of the expression “seeing through rose tinted glasses”. This is when we think back over times in our lives and we only see the happiness and the fun times, forgetting what we had to trudge through in those memories, forgetting the heart break and sadness and even just how hard things could be. I believe there should be a similar phrase such as “Blue tinted glasses” – where we see only the hardship and forget the good times that often made it all more than worthwhile. In my daily musings i thought that perhaps through a mixture of these two things maybe we remember exactly the feelings of the time, the emotions and general mood.
However, i don’t actually believe this to be the case. The human mind is fickle and easily swayed, we miss how a certain thing used to be or how a certain someone used to make us feel and straight away we remember the smiles, laughter, all the great times, strengthening the belief in our mind that we are lonely and that we do long for times we have lost. Instead of concentrating on how yeah they were great times, and not just because that old companion was there, not just because it was in your old establishment, but because it was you. Just you. Being you, an enjoying it. On the opposite side of this unfortunate coin however if we sit and think on how a change in our life has improved it for the better, and yes we may remember that same old argument, had for the hundredth time, or the real rut we were in at the time with work or school, reminding us that the correct path was followed, that this was the best way but we all know this is only for moments. As seconds later a clear image of that great day you had at your old work, or a fantastic conversation with an old friend you don’t see anymore, maybe even that extra long hug from an ex that made you feel just so safe and happy will pop into your head and you will be left with this racking feeling in the pit of your stomach with questions like “why?” and “is it too late to go back?” zooming around your head. Our own memories are used against ourselves by ourselves to pour salt into emotional wounds we thought were healed long ago.
Why is this? When we cut ourselves, our body doesn’t consider clotting the wound to heal then just forget it and let it bleed, so why does the brain allow itself to bleed dry like this? The most complex piece in the most complex life form we know of and it is counter-productive and a lot of the time there is nothing you can do except let the waves come down. We need to remember that our great memories are indeed memories of us at our greatest, not because someone or thing helped us to get there but because we are capable of it on our own.
So why mourn the past? Why fear the future? You know you had some pretty great times in the past, and you will again. You also know you had some pretty low moments in your past, but you got through them, and you sure as hell will do again, so relish the challenge. Don’t beat yourself up for the low times, remember, as complex as you are you’re only human.
So smile
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Humble Beginnings…

Hi 🙂
i’m a relatively cheerful guy and as such thought that writing about all the little thoughts i have could be a good use of my time. I guess i’m still growing, learning and fully finding out who i am. What inspires me, What angers me and everything in between. You may or may not read what i write, you may or may not enjoy it but i’m not entirely writing it for you, even though you are the judge (though what qualifies you for this position i do not know). I’m writing it because it’s fun, and helps me to vibe my words and thoughts together into something that constitutes a real human being.

Just basically thought this would be a nice way to wile away the time and hopefully, get better at writing for what i’m sure (really?) is going to be a very lucrative career in journalism.
I also like to smile, and am occasionally known for causing them